The whole idea of a full assembly of 13 people made my guts turn over and feel as if they were spilling out of my body. Cramming last minute tasks to my work day Friday the 12th of July. Trying not to forget vital things to pack. Answering messages half assedly because I could not focus; I was so nervous. Today, I know why this was.
Talya picked me up from Brussels. She helped carry some of my luggage as I was carrying extra meterials for the assembly, notably the portable sofa I made for Whose Aids in 2023. Carrying harm reduction materials, a nintendo switch, a mixer, and a tapestry amongst other things.
The train ride itself was a beautiful one, where Talya and I engaged in a conversation regarding our porject, what we want as artists, and how to move forward in 2025 professionally. There was a moment during this ride where I began to, while listening to Talya speaking in french, think about how about 15 years ago, even 10 years ago, I would have never imagined myself travelling by train in Europe to a city for an artist residency I was organizing. I never allowed myself the hope that one day my life could change. Sure, there were dreams of somehting more than what I had when living in Chicago as an irregular immigrant. However, not as vivid and real as travelling with my friend Talya discussing our boundaries and hopes for the future, mind you in a language I learned in hopes to one day, in the second part of my life, be fluent living abroad in France.
This was set to be the beginning of not only a physical journey to Kortrijk, but a densely emotional journey with 12, sometimes 14 other people.
As I arrived in kortrijk I felt a familiarity with the city. Which calmed my nerves as I was not discovering a new place, and could easily walk to the art center without a map.
Instead of painting a picture in detail, I wrote a poem of how the assembly unfolded from my vantage.
it's called:
Ahm (Assembly Required)
An avalanche of anxiety. Performance anxiety
impostor
It’s finally here. Though, wrecked by nerves
Baggage encumbrance for fear of being unprepared.
A beautiful train ride ensues.
tête-à-tête, rolling farmland, a setting sun.
#goals
picking rooms and, finally, a setup moment.
Or the other way around.
Morning coffee, first day, nerves at ease.
Excitement enters the stage right as the tours start,
one by one, sometimes by twos.
A dress, a cargo bike, groceries,
a recipe for the next couple of days
A self-organizing quintet.
Glances are stolen without me being aware
disco
Crisco and its seventeen followers
Morning coffee, day two
hangover wavering
self-organizing ten, weather permitting, eleven
a program to share, a project to present
a group to meet,
emotions begin to infect others, shake it off.
A consensual invitation
three shooting stars
longing, communicating, boundaries
Morning coffee, a desire to know.
Rythmic organizing
a drawing sesh and new arrivals.
A cargo bike, the meeting, the assumption.
A pan and a wok,
slowly ladling rice,
sizing each other up.
Fourteen dinner table seats
a flight attendant prepares for take-off
Morning coffee, three this time.
Soaps, sex-ed, fennel
storytelling, glue spray, and needles.
Closing talks and tears
meds talks and pears
rushed square dance.
Walk, tête-à-tête, daisies hug, boundaries.
Watermelon patches.
Zero patience, cuddle puddle, six, seven, eight, nine...
Exhausted coffee(s), dazed.
Missed yoga again.
HIV karaoke,
Grief
CABARET NT,
reciprocated love,
circle convo, penthouse.
Trio, gossip, laughs, appreciation.
Consensual naps.
Mourning coffee, omelets can’t fill the void.
closure, transitional nerves, boundaries
Silent circle
eye contact, only tears,
I can’t.
A slipped hand grip,
and then there was one
encumbered train ride back
debrief, decompress. Try to nap.